My father died recently, I wrote a eulogy, this is it…
Rod Douglas was born in 1947, suspiciously about one week after Aleister Crowley, famous British occultist and believer in reincarnation, died. I’m not linking the two but it’s worth remembering…
Now I don’t know much of my father’s childhood or indeed early adulthood, aside from rumours of excessive speed in motor vehicles – which he seems to have passed on – I do know, however, that at the age of 21, Rod Douglas married my mother Mary. In 1969 no less, the year they landed on the moon, two major achievements in one year that no one could have predicted.
My parents shared 46 years of marriage, there were ups and there were downs and there was me. There were rows and there were happy times; family trips to Morecambe, holidays on the Norfolk Broads, we even went abroad once. Sadly my father wasn’t “a flyer”, so we didn’t do it twice.
In amongst these happy memories there are some regrets; the things that we did not do that I will desperately miss; never having had a beer together in a bar, no father and son projects undertaken, no late night chats or shared wisdom. In a way though this serves as a lesson to me and guides me as a father.
Where my father and I did have a bond was in a shared love of technology. Shared is perhaps not an accurate description, it was his love and fervent belief in technology that was imprinted on me, as I am led to believe was imprinted on him by his father Hugh.
A tale I was often told by my father was that Hugh once said to a television repair man who was in his living room fixing his television; “It’ll a’ be different when ther’ hingin’ aff the wa'”, it is reported that this was greeted with a look of bemused indifference from the engineer but my father always knew that Hugh was right and sure enough twenty five years after his death his predictions came true.
Televisions were indeed available that could be hung aff yer wa’.
What my father perhaps never realised was that he too told me something that stuck in my mind as much as his father’s story did for him and influenced my career choices.
In primary school I was asked to write about something that would make the most impact in the future, my father insisted I write about the rise of computers. His “hingin’ aff the wa'” moment came when he excitedly told me that one day in the future your computer would be tiny, would go everywhere with you, would wake you up in the morning, know when it was your birthday and perhaps even talk to you.
He was right.
I know he was proud of me, though he was unable to articulate it in any meaningful way for most of my life, partly due to his upbringing and partly due to his dour nature. That dour nature evaporated though when he was in the presence of his grandchildren. We have so many photos of them together, splashing in puddles, giving cuddles and him looking proudly at their antics.
My father was a fiercely intelligent man. Unfortunately for him he grew up in a family and in an area where such attributes were considered a sign of an inflated sense of superiority. With the right encouragement he could’ve been anything. It is deeply sad that that encouragement appears never to have been given by his family when it mattered most.
Oftentimes I wonder what my father could have made of himself and his family should he have decided to stay in Newcastle and not return to Annan. These ponderings are short lived however and I am glad, in a way, that he did decide to return, had he not I might not have the life I have now.
There are numerous memories that have bubbled to the surface lately that remind me of my father’s company and his provision of amusement usually without his even knowing it.
His inadvertent advisement of the punishment for being late to the opticians sticks in my mind; “If you don’t get to that opticians on time you’ll be buggered.” He didn’t talk to me for a week after I told him that as punishments go, that seemed a bit harsh.
His fast forwarding through the sex scenes in The Terminator when I was a teenager, thereby missing a key section of plot that left me at a significant disadvantage when, a few years later I was discussing the sequel with my friends.
His agreement when I was 10, after weeks of badgering, to let me watch an American Werewolf in London if I could just watch one little clip without being scared. He knew what he was doing. I soiled myself and didn’t watch an American Werewolf in London for another fifteen years.
His inability to express any positive emotion without downplaying it. The best I ever got from him on anything was “Aye, it’s alright.” or “For those that like that sort of thing…”, in a way that made the rare times he actually got excited, all the more special.
Our shared love of video games, which usually saw me watching him complete them (The Last Ninja being a particular favourite of his, which he completed when he was the age I am now) but on occasion afforded us the opportunity to enjoy the hobby together, I’ll never forget playing Bubble Bobble with him, a game which he even managed to play with his granddaughter.
Since my father’s death I have been greatly heartened by the number of people that have expressed their sympathies to my mother. Clearly I had underestimated the number of people that his life had touched. Rod Douglas was a good man, a loyal husband, a proud father and father-in-law and a very loving grandfather. He will be greatly missed.
Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.
And we definitely added to his pile of good things.